Lost in Florida

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Categories: Life Updates, Prison, This American Life

Eyes in the Dark Podcast

After my extremely disappointing experience with Truly Criminal, I had a completely different experience with the podcast Eyes in the Dark. It is a German podcast and I have not spoken German since high school so I am not a listener. However, my good friend Anna-Lena is and mentioned this podcast to me as one of her favorites when we were exchanging references. It’s always weird when you watch a show or listen to a podcast and suddenly, an episode comes out and is about someone you know. That happened to her when she heard an episode they made about the case my husband is linked to.

The case part didn’t upset her as much as the end of the episode, when the two hosts discussed me and my son. They expressed they really couldn’t understand how someone could fall in love with a murderer and – according to my friend since I couldn’t listen to the segment – a lot of wrong information about me. My friend took matters into her own hands (but asked my permission before sending anything because she is a wonderful respectful friend ❤️) and reached out to them expressing her disappointment and near anger at their ending she felt was added for shock value. She listed the erroneous facts about how I met my husband and basically defended my character. She had a great final point explaining they should have verified their information and maybe even talk to me, or leave me out of the episode completely as I have nothing to do with the crime.

This has been a very tough media year for me. Not that I had any media year before lol. It is so weird to watch people suddenly get upset about my life when my relationship is 7 years old! And people bending the truth to make it fit their own narrative and even profit off of it.
It was heartwarming to have a friend standing up for me… and what happens next is pretty amazing (it should be the norm, but definitely isn’t).

They responded and apologized to my friend and OFFERED to correct the information in their next episode. They then reached out to me and apologized to me. Then they did what they said they would: they actually made a special mini-episode of 10 minutes to come back on what they were wrong about and apologized officially. They corrected some information and reminded their listeners of the importance of always fact-checking what you read on the internet. Of course, I couldn’t listen myself either so I am trusting Anna-Lena’s opinion that they did a good job and it was a nice segment.

This was just such a refreshing experience and I am of course most thankful for Anna-Lena having my back. I want to give a shout out to Laura and Sarah from Eyes in the Dark for being good people and (Anna-approved) quality true crime podcast. So if you understand German, give them a listen (I don’t think they have a website so look them up wherever you are listening to your podcasts).

Categories: Life Updates, This American Life

Halloween 2021

Halloween is a new holiday for me since this is not something I grew up with, and I didn’t really celebrate it either since I moved to the USA. However, this is the holiday I am the most looking forward too since I am a mother. Always like the season and everything around Halloween, and now I get to experience the costume fun 🙂 And the cuteness.

I guess for now, until my son grows older to express his will, the costumes are more about my own fun. Last year, we were Chucky and his bride. He was the most adorable and everyone congratulated us on his costume. If you miss it last year, here is a reminder:

 

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This year was sort of robbed from me. I woke up and it was October and damn I didn’t settle on a costume and since I am more of a DIY person, I had to make up my mind fast. But also… I didn’t have any extra money to waste so I decided everything (as much as possible at least) I was going to use for his costume needed to be reusable. So I went with the classic Georgie from IT costume:

A coworker also gave me a cute gator costume so that’s what Søren wore to go to his first Treat or Tricking and he had some success too because he was damn adorable again ❤️.

Categories: Prison

Proposed Mail Rule Change Hearing Speech

Good afternoon,

While the FDOC pretends to recognize the important role that family plays in the success of the people in their care, they keep taking steps to scar and erase the family bonds. Today, we have to plead for the simple act of reading a handwritten letter, for incarcerated individuals to hold paper in their hands, to see the little hesitations, the added smiles, and guess the emotions through the shape of the words. My husband’s letters are everything to me, and I still don’t think I can understand how much mine mean to him. This is the last tangible link, and the only place of vague privacy. Now, for the sake of a few new computers every 6 months, the FDOC is trying to take this away, and collect our data to share with a private company and its individuals.

Besides that, the amount of time it is going to take to get a “letter” to our loved ones will be extended and it is not acceptable when e-mails will then be the only way to reach them. FL Prisons and JPay have already proven themselves unfit to provide working material and handle the emails. Just a week ago, at UCI, the guys were without Wi-Fi or decent access to kiosks for 2 weeks. Without the regular mail, this means complete cut-off from the outside and their families. Same idea when they are in confinement, can’t access canteen, and we will be unable to send them stamps and paper. Also the end of the blank greeting cards we donate so they have a semblance of holiday spirit and treat their friends.

On top of this, the FDOC wants to limit the number of pages we can send. Are you able to limit the number of feelings I need to express to my husband too?

The new rule doesn’t even take overseas mail in consideration, which shows how out of touch with reality the minds behind those rules are.

This change will not destroy whatever contraband you believe comes through the mail, it will destroy human spirits and families.

Have a nice day.

Good afternoon,

While the FDOC pretends to recognize the important role that family plays in the success of the people in their care, they keep taking steps to scar and erase the family bonds. Today, we have to plead for the simple act of reading a handwritten letter, for incarcerated individuals to hold paper in their hands, to see the little hesitations, the added smiles, and guess the emotions through the shape of the words. My husband’s letters are everything to me, and I still don’t think I can understand how much mine mean to him. This is the last tangible link, and the only place of vague privacy. Now, for the sake of a few new computers every 6 months, the FDOC is trying to take this away, and collect our data to share with a private company and its individuals.

Besides that, the amount of time it is going to take to get a “letter” to our loved ones will be extended and it is not acceptable when e-mails will then be the only way to reach them. FL Prisons and JPay have already proven themselves unfit to provide working material and handle the emails. Just a week ago, at UCI, the guys were without Wi-Fi or decent access to kiosks for 2 weeks. Without the regular mail, this means complete cut-off from the outside and their families. Same idea when they are in confinement, can’t access canteen, and we will be unable to send them stamps and paper. Also the end of the blank greeting cards we donate so they have a semblance of holiday spirit and treat their friends.

On top of this, the FDOC wants to limit the number of pages we can send. Are you able to limit the number of feelings I need to express to my husband too?

The new rule doesn’t even take overseas mail in consideration, which shows how out of touch with reality the minds behind those rules are.

This change will not destroy whatever contraband you believe comes through the mail, it will destroy human spirits and families.

Have a nice day.

Categories: Uncategorized

The unjustified shame and harassment of wives of incarcerated individuals.

I posted this comment under a Truly Criminal video that used some of my personal pictures, hoping to spark some reflective thinking on the limits of informative true crime, and they hid it.

To clarify, I am here for the true crime documentaries and podcasts (even wrote articles & had my own podcast in the past), and I think Truly Criminal does a good job overall. Whether you start with a mission like Maggie Freleng or Sarah Turney, or simply discuss resolved/closed cases, I am not judging your motivations.
I also understand that being married to someone tied to a bad case comes with a risk of seeing said case in ID or Oxygen shows, YT videos and so on. I don’t like that, but I accept it.
My blood boils at some of the inaccuracies, fictionalization and pure fantasies, but when it concerns the case itself, I am not able to debate much to preserve the legal process (however, you could correct some yourself if you were doing some actual research through the case files).

However, I don’t have to keep quiet when it’s about me. “Prison wives” are expected to live hidden and ashamed, and I refuse to do that. This is why I have been sharing my story, so others feel seen & understood. It worked, I can’t tell you the number of messages I have received from women who reached out to me, A STRANGER, because they felt I was the only one who could understand their situation at that moment.

This is also why I have started the prison penpal program Wire of Hope, to give the opportunity to incarcerated people to present themselves in a different light and maybe find someone who believes in rehabilitation and will give them a second chance.

I volunteered as a teacher in a French Penitentiary for 2 years, and I’m also trying to do my part for criminal justice reform, something that is NOT against the victims, on the contrary, with for example restorative justice. Supporting people who have committed crimes so it does not happen again is a good thing for everyone. You can object to this, but I consider myself a good person.

I’ve been with my husband for 7 years. I know him, deep and raw, like no one has ever known him, and I am very proud of everything he overcame and the man he has become. But because my objective is not to attract attention on him/his case but to help others (and myself) navigate a difficult time, there was never the need to disclose his name.
People have done this for me (“outing” me) repeatedly over the years. It’s always followed by rape and/or death threats… by people upset because of who I love? Can you objectively believe you are better than me if you do that? This always blows my mind…

Last year, I agreed to talk publicly in order to promote  Wire of Hope, on the condition that my husband’s name was NOT revealed, so his case and the victims were left out of it. Call me naive… The producers respected my request but then trash gossip magazines stole my story and pictures – but never mentioned Wire of Hope of course, and made it sound like I talked to them (I never have).
A French garbage magazine even put me on their cover, published 3 pages of straight insults with pictures, including of my kid and one of me pregnant in my underwear. Even if my husband had done what they wrote, they were treating me like I was an even worse person.

I do want my voice to be heard, but for a cause & not like that. I also have the absolute right to live my life as anyone else off and on social media. This does not mean it’s okay or legal to use my photos for shock-value or entertainment without my permission.

It is not okay in gossip magazines, and it’s not okay in true crime videos about a 16 year-old case that has nothing to do with me, or my child.
I was trying to start a conversation, because I feel Truly Criminal crossed a line. I wasn’t coming after them angrily, I was hoping to make them think of the reason they added us to their video, if it was a graceful one, and the possible consequences. But they basically tried to shut me up and though they used my image FOR PROFIT, they ignored me.
I have a real problem with keeping my mouth shut so here we are. If you made it to the end, thank you for reading.

Families impacted by incarceration are numerous in the USA and they have it REALLY hard. Be kind, be supportive, and if this is too hard for you to be an okay human, just leave them alone.

Categories: Life Updates

Endoscopy for baby

Our sweet boy had his first general anesthesia for an upper endoscopy @WolfsonChildren yesterday. Mom and dad were stressed out but he did amazing.  The doctor was really sweet (and funny enough, his own son’s name is Soren too!), and one thing I like in Jacksonville is that they have great specialty care for children! 👨‍⚕️.
Everything looked healthy (which, of course, is great news) and we are waiting for the biopsies’ results now. We were hoping we would finally get some answers, but this might not be it yet. 

Because of the pandemic and the covid delta variant being insane here in Jacksonville, he had to get a Covid test with a 3 day-window before his procedure day – so Saturday morning. The test was done by a Wolfson pediatric nurse at Baptist hospital. The man was really fast. Soren hates covid tests – he got so many :(, but this time he was only about to cry when it was over. He was negative so the endoscopy was on track, and we had to self-isolate until then. I was allowed to work from home as the beginning of the months are always very busy for me.
We had to checked in at 7 am for his procedure that was scheduled at 9:10 am. His GI specialist was not available before the end of the month and I didn’t want to wait further as Soren has been very sick lately, so another MD did his procedure.


We almost did not wait before being installed in a pre-op room. We saw a few of nurses, the anesthesiologist and the GI. Everyone explained what they were going to do and asked confirmation of medical history.
We did not sleep the night before. I think Soren maybe was feeling my stress and it was stressing him out, because he kept turning and crying until 3 am (and my alarm clock was at 5:30). After they took his vitals and he changed to the gown, I turned off the light and snuggled with him so he slept a bit. My heart sank when they announced a code blue on the speakers and I held my baby a bit tighter.

Right on time, they came to take him, I kiss him quickly and tried to act cool as I was having a little panicking moment inside. Then I gathered our stuff and went back to the waiting room. It was SO fast. The doctor came to tell me how it went and what he saw (nothing wrong visually, he took as many biopsies as possible) and then I waited a bit longer while Soren was in recovery room. They took me in a post-op room and I arrived at the same time as Soren. He was awake and drinking. He looked pretty chill. He didn’t say a word to  anyone though. He is a chatty boy but not with strangers lol. He looked cozy in bed but they installed him on me in the chair, and gave him a slushy. He was quiet when the nurses were in the room but when they would go out, he would raise the hand with the IV and complain. I can’t blame him, IV are uncomfortable at best and hurt on the hand. I know I wanted to get rid of mine really badly after I gave birth.

Because he was fully awake and was drinking and not getting sick, he was released and we could head home to rest.

They told me he would be tired and dizzy, could possibly throw up (and there could be blood but totally normal) and that we had to stick to quiet activities. I was expecting a quiet afternoon and a long nap, but nope, after a couple of hours he wanted to eat and he was all over the place as if nothing happened 🙂

 

He looks great and can have tons of energy, but he also regularly has a high fever, not eat or do anything but sleep for a few days, have bouts of projectile vomiting, and I won’t even mention the horror stories of what’s happening down there 😬.
After getting better, it just looks like it’s getting worse and this is becoming really hard to navigate by myself. I ran out of sick days and annual leave but I have FMLA/FSWP and I’m grateful for a job that has been quite flexible with me and the health insurance it provides. Adjusting to the US healthcare system has not been easy! When you are from Europe, you are kind of used to everyone having access to care. Here, you’re lucky if your work comes with benefits. I guess it refrains people from abusing the system too, but I find it pretty sad, when my son is very sick outside his doctor’s office hours, to pause and wonder if I can afford the $100 of the ER trip.
It’s been a really hard couple of weeks, and I have been having Ménière episodes too because I am stressed out and don’t eat or sleep well. The perfect combination to trigger bad crisis.

Soren looks really good today and I hope he is able to visit his dad this weekend and go back to daycare on Monday.

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