prison

Categories: Prison

Richard Tabler

I reposted the post I wrote for Wire of Hope’s Instagram yesterday but I wanted to talk more about Richard Tabler. First, he is looking for pen pals and that’s how we met, he joined Wire of Hope, and we stroke a friendship. He is on Texas death row (already terrible life conditions), but he lives in harsher circumstances as he is the only person who is permanently housed on death watch, at Polunski Unit. A rapid Google search will make you believe his mom smuggled a phone to him and he used it to threaten a State Senator’s daughters, which lead to his super-high security housing and the arrest of his mother and sister, and their definite loss of visitation. The truth is that he used a smuggled phone – his mother has nothing to do with this, but she did buy minutes for the phone so he could call her – and made a call trying to raise awareness on the living conditions on Texas death row. Obviously, making an unauthorized phone call from inside to someone of power was not the smartest move, but does this deserve an unending housing on DEATH WATCH? All his neighbors are men who have received an execution date, and as he builds relationships with them, they get closer to their date and eventually, he witnesses them leave to their death. On top of this mental torture, he has not been allowed to see his family since the phone incident, over 13 years ago.
I suppose I relate as I feel he is the only one who has an idea of what I’m going through, having lost my visits too. He says it’s different however, and it is, because it’s not his life partner, there is no child involved, but it’s been going on for so long it makes me sick for him. I have a really hard time accepting prison authorities have almost all-power as there is no real oversight, and no one cares enough to change that… Anyway, if you’d like to get to know Richard, here is his profile on Wire of Hope: https://wireofhope.com/prison-penpal-richard-tabler/

Categories: Books, Prison

Within the Shadows of Life

Richard was writing his autobiography when he first joined Wire of Hope. He tells the story of growing up feeling unwanted and unloved and how he embraced a life of crimes while searching for his place in the world… until he ended up on Texas death row.

Without even realizing it, and before he even found anyone to write to through us, we at Wire of Hope made an impact on him, and we were moved to read he even mentioned us in his book.

Categories: Prison, This American Life

Birthday

Because it’s my birthday and it’s the first time I’m around for it and it’s also visit day, Alan had planned many things to treat me. But it’s prison, things never go the way you’d like them to.

We took a couple of pictures first, but the sergeant decided we had to retake the good one because I was behind him… He is not allowed to be behind me, and we take the same picture almost every week, whatever. Disappointed because I look good on like 1 picture on 55 there, I still take it with a smile, and we pose again, being careful to stay next to each other. Alan loves the new pic, we don’t lose.

He wants to cook for me and to make me a cake. Canteen is out of almost everything, he can’t make a cake but what he cooks is big for two and I don’t need a cake 😊. He is just too adorable and I’m happy.

He smiles at me because “you look so cute” and says he wants to take me home. “I am home ☺”. He is home.

He has a few gifts he made and I received a portrait of me this week. He really doesn’t have to try that hard but I love the messages he puts in everything. I feel spoiled.

We talk about my favorite movie and he listens to my stories about Gus Van Sant for a long time and he is genuinely interested and I want to marry that man again.

We talk about trypophobia 🤢 and he keeps taking the skin 😱 as an example and I think marrying him once was enough.

We get up to warm some water and he kisses me. He gets in trouble. Being yelled at is not nice but he is more upset because the officer says something like “you’ve been doing stuff all day” when we literally only have been looking at each other and talking, up to now. I see Alan is very frustrated and I see the anger coming up. He is not saying anything but his eyes become red and I know he’ll cry in a minute. I hold his hand and ask him what is bothering him that much. He doesn’t want/can’t reply, I’d like to know so I could ease the pain before it bursts out… Too late, he whispers “because that’s our life” and he breaks down. I want to get closer and put my hand on his face or my arm around it – as I usually do when that happens, but I feel the officer watching and I don’t want us to get in more trouble so I have to painfully watch him cry 💔. I try to wipe his tears, while fighting my own. He says he is supposed to be the strong one, I call bullshit on that, everybody knows I’m the strong one 😆. He calms down but the tears won’t stop, we laugh about it. He says “I wish you had a better birthday”. I’d spend my day crying with him, it would still be better than any other day.

We move on to another subject, I get one more gift, and it’s already time to say goodbye. I can hug him, finally.

I go home and look at my phone, see many birthday messages from my friends overseas, a cute video of my niece (whom I miss a lot), and a message from one of my ex pen pals (out and free now) that says “Happy birthday to a friend who was always there for me”… and now I’m the one crying.

My in-laws then take me out for dinner, I’m full for a week and birthday girl gets a free cheesecake. Not the dessert I wish I could bring back to the house though 😉.

I’m simply happy I could see Alan after 3 weeks. I wish I didn’t make his life harder but I feel very loved and it’s amazing ❤.

Categories: This American Life

August 2017

After all these technical posts (and there are a few more to come), it’s time for me to give you some news.

After a somewhat chaotic journey, I FINALLY joined my husband! Security has increased at the prison for visits and it is wasting a lot of time. Before, after the registration, the search and the passage to the metal detector, we could walk to death row by ourselves. But as some general population prisoners spoke to us (shouting), they first put a black cover all along the fence, and according to their moods and/or the visitor, they made us wait for an escort. I found myself several times waiting alone on a bench 15 or 20 minutes for a guard to deign to walk me there while other people had been able to walk there directly.
In short now, no more discrimination according to age or size of breasts, everyone must wait for an escort. But now they wait until we all have passed security to take us as a group, and there is a group that leaves only every 30 minutes. From the outside, you probably don’t see too much of a problem, but this is how it goes:

Doors normally open at 8:15 am (often 8:30 am), but to be sure to get in visitors arrive as early as 7 am at the prison. For death row, there is never a crowd, so now I arrive a little before 8am and that is enough, I’m almost every time the 4th one (at the same time there are always the same people every week, with their habits). Visits begin at 9am.
Unfortunately, at this time, they don’t open before 8:45 or 9:00 am.
We all pass security and we wait for the escort…
People who don’t come until 9 am start to go through security… so now we wait for them too.
As a result, we find ourselves in the park at 10 am, we still have to wait until the inmates arrive, we lose a good hour of visit.

So yes it annoys me, on top of having to walk barefoot so that they pass my heels through the new X-ray machine every week. Before, if your bra was setting the detector off, they would scan you in an airport way and that was it. Now, if your bra is setting it off, you must go back to the search room and remove it so that they can observe it, and they scan your chest (which is likely to be fun with piercings the day that it happens to me). And yet, I didn’t know, but I was told that at FSP (the neighboring prison, death row prisoners go from one to another) a few years ago, when you had your period, you had to show it!! I thought I was misunderstanding but the women confirmed that yes, they had to lower their panties to show their dirty pads (I suppose to be allowed to take changes with them). Fortunately, it’s not like that anymore, because (TMI) I always have my period on the weekend and it’s still a step in humiliation that I don’t feel ready to cross.

BUT WE ARE TOGETHER! Finally, and without this limit of a precise number of visits before saying goodbye for months. It changes everything, even if I get annoyed still for the slightest minute stolen. We have so much lost time to catch up!

Alan lost a lot of weight, again, because he was saving for me to have a little bit more money when I arrived (as the immigration and so on ruined me). I hope that I will find a job quickly to be able to fill him up a little.

Unfortunately, his prison (all Florida state prisons actually) ended up on lockdown last week and the visits were canceled. Exceptional measure (since in general it is the only thing left in case of lockdown), the mail was also stopped 😑. On the other hand they were given a 5-minute phone call to warn us so it was pretty cool. Ironically, this lockdown took place during (in response to) a march for the rights and human treatment of prisoners, in Washington DC. The lockdown was lifted Monday and I started to receive his letters again, so I’ll see him on Sunday. 🙂

Since I’ve arrived, I’ve been busy dealing with my paperwork problems. But I also started looking for a job. I will make a post on their way of proceeding here… that I do not like at all! Especially when you don’t fit the boxes when you are an immigrant! I applied to 10 jobs and I had no feedback, not even to say no, well on this point I’m not disoriented, it’s like France! My resume is also circulating in a company possibly creating new positions, and they are interested in my profile. I do not know if it will lead somewhere but it reassured me a bit on my US version resume.

The opening of my bank account allowed me to reopen my Etsy shop – I will make a small post right after to announce it.

And the question everyone asks… “how is the weather, not too hot? “. The answer is yes, it’s way too hot! I can’t stay 5 minutes outside without getting sweaty (while I’m usually lucky on that side). It is only vaguely bearable at the beach, feet in the water .

But it also rains a LOT, not for a long time, but a lot, at least once a day. And when I visit Alan it is often the deluge, and it takes me forever to go back home because I have to drive so slow.

For those who worry, I was driving at 16 mph and I was just holding the phone, I was properly watching the road 😉

The sky was so covered that there was nothing to see during the “Great American Eclipse” on Monday and that I had to watch it on TV.

Yes, I do weather updates on Snapchat (because my life is not really thrilling yet) @SweetUndertone, I post only in story (and rarely) and it is accessible to anyone (at least for now) if you want to follow me.
😊

Categories: Prison, Prison Wedding

Marriage Procedure in Prison (Florida)

Since I know it’s a matter that a lot of prison girlfriends and fiancées have questions about, I thought I would make a post about the prison marriage process. Of course each prison has its own marriage process so this is only based on my own experience at my (now-) husband’s correctional institution.

The kind of ceremony you can have will also depend on the facility. Some prisons don’t allow weddings, some are behind glass or even by proxy (the possibilities may also depend on the State). Some prisons require the chaplain to officiate. Some allow visitors (guest) to attend, some don’t – when they do, the guests usually have to be already approved on the inmate’s visitation list. Wedding gowns and flowers and cameras are not allowed, the inmate wear their regular visitation clothes and the bride has to follow the regular visitation dress code.

But here is how things worked for us:

– A. made a request to the chaplain for a marriage form. He was told I have to change my status with classification to “girlfriend” (your classification status is the one you had when you filled the visitation application, which is usually pen pal or friend if you are MWI*). The assistant chaplain is actually the one in charge of the paperwork.
*Met While Incarcerated

– I contacted classification and got my status changed in 5 minutes – his classification officer is super reactive and she knew of me since end of 2014 so this was a non-issue.

– A. contacted the assistant chaplain again, stating my status has been changed and giving my full name so he can contact me.

– We met with the chaplain once in the visiting park very quickly (we were still waiting for the forms…), he could record that I was real and obviously visiting. It might sound stupid but it’s quite logic that before they allow a wedding, they check that there are visitations and that we do actually know each other and have a relationship.

– A. eventually received the “marriage interview questionnaire”.
He had to fill out several questions like list things in order of importance in marriage, about areas of responsibility (for example who is supposed to do the household chores or take care of the finances or children and so on 😉 ), about our family consent, and other general questions (ex: have you been honest about your past relationships, criminal charges, addictions?) and define certain words (love, marriage, commitment).
The last page was to list the (approved) visitors to attend the wedding.

– He met with the assistant chaplain to sign the marriage paperwork and discuss reasons for marrying.

– I received a letter “in response to an Inmate Request from Mr. W. to marry you while incarcerated” […] “If you consent to this marriage, you will need to read the attached forms, sign/date then and mail them”. One form was the “request to marry”, my fiancé and my information were already all on it and we both had to sign it, the other one was a list of rules and information about the process.*
* that we had to find our own person to marry us and have that person approved at the prison, that the ceremony would take place in the visitation park on a regular visiting day but after the visit – for a grand total of 30 minutes, that all fees are my responsibility, that I have to bring the marriage license (and bring the license back to the Clerk of Court after the wedding to have the marriage recorded) and that there is a 3-day waiting period to marry after obtaining a license in Florida, that I have to follow the usual dress code, that his ring must not cost over $100 and that I must bring the receipt, and that I must decide if I keep my maiden name or take his name.

– After the assistant chaplain received those papers signed by me, they were sent to A. for him to sign them too and send them back to the assistant chaplain. A. was told at that time that the next step was “psy + security”.

– A psychologist met with A. a morning at his cell. I don’t really know what was discussed but it was very short.

– It seems A. “passed” the psy test and the paperwork was then sent to Tallahasse (DOC) for approval. It usually takes two to three months to get approval to marry from the DOC.

It seems pretty quick and easy but you have to think “prison”, “paperwork”, “mail”, “slow” 😉 At this point we are mid-September and my classification status was changed in April (to give you an idea).
The marriage approval from the DOC took exactly 2 months (we were approved mid-November) though I was only told a couple weeks later.
Our DOC approval was valid for a year (this also varies in each State/prison).

The next step was to agree on a date with the prison (still through the assistant chaplain) and find a notary public to perform the wedding. You can take anyone you want but you have to have that person approved by the prison, so count an extra month for that. We decided to go with one of the notaries already approved by the prison. The arrangements are to be made between the notary and you.

Getting closer to the date and being in the USA eventually (I’m from Europe), I could take care of the marriage license. Our notary public told me where in Florida it was possible to get a license without the groom. To get a license you usually have to show up together with your IDs and you’re good to go. It gets a little more complicated when your loved one is incarcerated but with the right information it goes pretty smoothly.
If you are in Northern Florida, you have to go to the Union County Courthouse in Lake Butler. You (the non-incarcerated applicant) must appear in person in the Clerk’s office and must provide:
– a photo ID (passport)
– social security for both parties (so you have to know your fiancé social security)
– state of birth for both parties
– the letter of approval from the DOC
– a color copy of your fiancé’s inmate DOC face sheet (print his profile page from the DOC website’s offender list directly)
– the license fee ($93.50) in cash.
As I said earlier there is a 3-day waiting period before the license is valid, it is then valid for 60 days and you must return it within 30 days from the date of the wedding.
! Sometimes the prison requires that the license is brought to the prison to be signed by the inmate before the wedding, in my case he just signed it in front of the notary public on the wedding day but you must check with the prison for their own process !

Then you show up at the prison with your marriage license on the wedding day, with the wedding bands (and the receipt for the inmate’s one), and marry your special one 🙂

If you think I forgot something important or if you have questions, let me know 🙂

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